


...The More They Stay the Same

by BeTheCheeto



Series: The More Things Change... [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-03-15 08:04:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13609101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeTheCheeto/pseuds/BeTheCheeto
Summary: Kakashi knows he doesn't deserve Gai, so he needs to stay as far away as possible. Of course, Gai being Gai, he doesn't exactly make that easy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is part 2 of my series The More Things Change... It could be read as a standalone, but makes more sense after reading part one.

Hatake Kakashi was in a terrible mood. He stormed down the street, nose buried in Icha Icha (though he wasn't reading it), and giving off such a dangerous vibe that even his closest friends, some of the strongest shinobi in the village, didn't dare stop him to ask what was wrong. Civilians and shinobi alike gave him a wide berth, parents pulling their children protectively to their sides and store owners watching him warily as he passed by their goods lining the streets, as though he was likely to strike out at the random useless trinkets in his anger. If he hadn't been in such a foul mood, this probably would have amused him. 

Instead, he just glowered down at his book, angered that what was upsetting him had him so upset that he couldn't even focus on his beloved Icha Icha. When he was about halfway to the Hokage’s office, he thought about the mission report in his vest pocket, contemplating giving the missions desk staff a mini-heart attack at his perfect completed, on time report. Ultimately, he turned away, deciding that the amusement of the missions desk staff’s reaction to his first timely report since his time on Team Minato was not worth the scolding he would get from Umino Iruka for inflicting his terrible mood on Iruka’s unsuspecting desk staff. The man may only be a chunin, but that fiery temper of his was something that even the great Copy Ninja himself avoided if he could.

Instead, he opted to head towards the memorial stone. There, he could ponder the mess that had him so unapproachably angry and have a quiet place to be while his anger and hurt settled. He thought about his situation, and cursed himself for being upset in the first place. After all, it was he who had caused their break-up, and he who had made even something as simple as being friends with him difficult for Gai. He had no right to be upset with Gai for being happy with someone else. 

But, at the same time, he still seethed with anger. Gai had promised to be his  _ eternal  _ rival, after all. Kakashi had momentarily set aside his hip and cool persona to challenge Gai for the first time in, well, ever, and Gai dared turn him down because he was meeting his  _ boyfriend _ ? Kakashi seethed as the man's face popped into his head. The man Gai had been seeing for the last seven months was arrogant, selfish, and, worst of all, cocky. The tokubetsu jonin’s skill was average, at best, though he acted like he had the ability to save the damn world. And, worst of all, he wasn't NEAR good enough for Gai. Though, Kakashi supposed, he would never think anyone was. Himself included. 

Gai was one of those people that was just too good for this cold shinobi world they lived in. Despite Gai's dreams and desire to protect the people of the village, none of them deserved him. They had shunned him when what he needed more than anything was just support and approval. They had doubted him no matter how many times he had proven his skill, and still, despite all he had done for them, all he had sacrificed, still Kakashi heard the whispers and the mocking, even if it was now tittered behind hands and closed doors. It made Kakashi's blood boil that no matter how hard Gai dedicated himself to the protection of these worthless civilians, they treated him like a second-rate person, just because he was not conventionally attractive and had some… quirks.

Kakashi realized that these thoughts were only riling him up more, but what did it matter? It's not like he had anyone to go home to, so no matter where he went, his bad mood affected him, and him alone. He tried to ignore the twinge that put in his chest, telling himself it was better this way. He continued walking, his long-forgotten book still in front of his face despite the fact that he had given up even the farce that he was paying attention once he got out of the more populated areas within the village. 

It was only when the sense of a very familiar chakra caught his attention that he frowned, looking in the direction where he felt the presence. Could Gai have… No, it wasn't possible, he thought, shaking himself. Gai would never lie to him, he thought. Perhaps he had been meeting his boyfriend to train? It would make sense (it IS Gai, after all), Gai was far superior to the arrogant jackass in skill, so training with Gai would be a wise move should he wish to get stronger, even test to become an elite jonin. However, with what little Kakashi had gotten to know of him, his arrogance would not allow him to admit that he was inferior to anyone. Kakashi snuck smoothly forward, intent on finding out what was actually going on, but was not prepared for what he found. 

Gai was sitting cross-legged on the ground, more idle than Kakashi had seen him in years, staring down at the grass. Kakashi stepped up slowly behind him, but the older man made no acknowledgement of Kakashi's presence. Kakashi even flared his chakra, but Gai's didn't even flicker. Kakashi was starting to worry now, so his pace quickened. He knelt down beside the man, assessing him for injury, and only after he was satisfied that Gai was physically unharmed did he take note of the fact that the man was crying. His anger from earlier quickly dissipated, and he grabbed Gai's shoulder and shook it to snap the man out of his funk. 

His heart ached when the body under his hand twitched and red-rimmed black eyes met his. Gai's eyes were unfocused, at first, but when they recognized what they were seeing, Gai's face rearranged into a look of surprise. “'Kashi?” His voice was hoarse, and he was so out of it that he had used the nickname he'd had for Kakashi during their relationship. Kakashi forced himself to ignore the leap his heart had made, and ask Gai what was wrong. 

For a while, Gai didn't answer. He turned his head and stared through the forest before him. Kakashi thought for a second that he had gone back into the trance state he had found him in for a moment, but then he spoke up. It had been so long since anything had been said that Kakashi jolted slightly at the sound. “Why do people cheat on me, Kakashi?” the older man asked hoarsely.

Kakashi whirled around to face him, staring in shock. As he registered Gai’s sadness and reconciled it with his question, he felt the glow of righteous fury begin to burn in his stomach. He would kill that man for hurting Gai! But before he could disappear to murder the offending party, Gai spoke again, his voice thick with unshed tears. “Is it… am I not interesting enough? Not good enough in bed? What is it about me that's not enough for people?” He looked despairingly at Kakashi, and at first, Kakashi was at a loss. It wasn't that he agreed with Gai, he absolutely didn't, but how could he justify his own actions so many years ago? How could he explain to someone as good, as virtuous as Gai, that it was never his fault? Kakashi had spent his entire life avoiding admitting fault; he felt enough guilt over the things he couldn't run from. But with Gai hurting as he was, Kakashi tried something for the first time in his adult life: apologizing to someone sincerely, and praying the man understood. 

Kakashi gripped Gai's shoulders, turning the older jonin to face him and staring intensely into sorrowful black eyes. “Gai, there is NOTHING wrong with you! There's something wrong with anyone stupid enough to risk losing you! Something wrong with him!” Kakashi said passionately. His voice quieted slightly, his tone became sorrowful. “...something wrong with me.” 

Gai's eyes grew wide as he stared back at his ex-lover. “Kakashi…” he whispered. Since they had managed to regain some semblance of the friendship they had before they became lovers, Gai had wanted to talk about what had happened all those years ago between them but Kakashi had swiftly shut down any attempts he had made. Gai was happy that Kakashi was finally willing to breach the subject himself, hoping he would finally get the answers he had been desperate to get for years. 

Kakashi looked away from him sadly and moved to drop his hands, but Gai caught one before it could fall and held it in place where it rested on his upper arm, his thumb stroking gently along the back. Kakashi jerked at the touch and tried to yank it back, but Gai, prepared for exactly that reaction, held firm. He felt Kakashi's pulse accelerate, saw the man swallow visibly under his mask, and felt a thrill go through him that he still had such an effect on the usually unaffected man after all this time. It made him wonder…

“Gai…” Kakashi began thickly. He cleared his throat before continuing. “I never wanted to hurt you, Gai. I just… that night was so bad…” Kakashi's visible eye looked haunted in a way that Gai hadn't seen since shortly after the death of his team. Kakashi managed to shake himself before he fell too deeply into the depression of his past. “I hate to blame the mission, I don't want to be THAT guy, but… that night, that mission… it's the worst I've ever led. The things we did for that mission, no decent human being would ever have done it… I… I was drowning that night. We all were.  The things we did, they… they don't ever leave you.”

Kakashi swallowed hard again, his eyes staring unseeingly into the forest before them, refusing to look at Gai. “I felt hopeless, lost in that terrifying in-between where you start to wonder if you're more man or monster. When… when he came in, I was trying desperately to cling to any attachment to humanity I had, but I didn't have much to begin with. I had you, and I… I couldn't think of you. Not then, not after what I had done… you would never forgive me, no one would, and I knew that. They were too awful, unspeakable. At first, we just talked, he and I… tried to connect ourselves to something that felt real. But it didn't help.” Kakashi hesitated, unsure whether he should continue. “When… when he kissed me, I froze. I didn't respond at first, but… I didn't stop him either. Somewhere inside, I knew I should, knew that what I was doing was horrible, wrong… betraying you. But that part of me was buried deep, forced down by the part that wouldn't let go, the part that needed him, right then. Everything in my mind recognized that he was something real, something concrete… something human. And that was what I needed.” Kakashi finished his admission quietly, still staring at the ground, too afraid to look at Gai. 

After what felt like an eternity of silence, he chanced a look at the other man. Gai sat quietly, staring at the ground, his lips pursed. It was obvious that he had something to say, but was reluctant to do so. Kakashi took a deep breath, awaiting Gai's screaming. He wouldn't stop the man; he deserved it, after all. What he had done had been stupid, selfish and hurtful. However, Gai's reaction was not what he expected. Gai was quiet when he finally spoke. “How could you doubt me, Kakashi?” 

Kakashi's eyes shot up to the man's handsome face in shock. Gai turned to him, smiling sadly, and Kakashi was frozen as Gai’s hand came up to cup his cheek. “There is nothing you could do that I couldn’t forgive…” he said. 

Kakashi swallowed hard and his eyes darted unconsciously to Gai’s lips as he licked his own under his mask, something that did not go unnoticed by the older man. He looked intensely into Kakashi’s eyes, giving the younger man plenty of time to move as he reached for his mask, fingers closing around thin material and dragging it down. Kakashi knew he should stop his friend, but he was frozen in place, unable to move and his eyes following Gai’s movements as he slowly closed the distance between them.  As Gai’s lips pressed against his, Kakashi’s eyes instinctually closed and he leaned into Gai’s body, his own rejoicing in the warmth that flowed between them with such ease and familiarity. Gai pulled Kakashi closer, and the younger man melted into his touch. It wasn't long before Gai’s tongue slid along Kakashi’s bottom lip, and Kakashi didn't even have to pause to think before granting his request. They made out lazily for a few minutes before Kakashi had to break for air, and Gai took advantage to start kissing his way down Kakashi's exposed throat, lowering him to the ground as he did so. Kakashi moaned as Gai’s tongue swirled over his collarbone, an area that had always been sensitive as he kept it covered all the time, and Gai's hand crept up his shirt. When the older man rolled a nipple between his fingertips, Kakashi gasped and moaned, already panting from Gai’s intimate knowledge of his body. 

Gai smirked as he came up to kiss him again, and as he did, expertly flicked open the button on Kakashi's pants. When cool air hit Kakashi's overheated stomach, he remembered where they were and what was happening, and he quickly pushed Gai off of him, springing halfway across the clearing. Gai watched as he leaned on a tree while he caught his breath. When Kakashi looked to him, he saw Gai's lust-filled eyes and kiss swollen lips, and his eyes widened. Gai opened his mouth to say something, but a second later, Kakashi had disappeared in a puff of smoke. 

Gai watched the place Kakashi had disappeared from for a moment, his tongue darting over the small bite Kakashi had given him while pushing him away. He thought over what had just happened, and smiled to himself. Kakashi's response, though initially shocked, had been very enthusiastic, and though he wasn't sure what had caused him to run, Gai knew he wasn't about to let the love of his life escape a second time. He grinned as a plan formed in his mind, and stood from the ground, all thoughts of his earlier depression cleared entirely. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi and Gai both have some very interesting talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Finally, an update! Hope you all like it, and don't hate me for taking so long!

Kakashi slammed the door loudly, panting as his back collapsed against the solid wood. The scene that had just played out with Gai wouldn’t leave his mind, and he couldn’t help but wonder where it would have gone. He brought his fingers to graze gently over his lips, still uncovered as he had been in such a rush to get away that he hadn’t bothered to put his mask back up before disappearing to his home. He thought of how it had felt to have Gai’s lips on his after so long, to sample the taste that was so inherently Gai. 

He was well aware from their previous relationship that Gai was secretly an exhibitionist at heart, and loved to get Kakashi in compromising situations in public places. There were still some places that now, even years later, Kakashi still avoided simply because he couldn't keep down his blush when he remembered all the dirty things Gai had done to him there. He thought about the moment they just shared on the training grounds, and realized that Gai had definitely intended to take it  _ much _ farther. 

He thought about how it would have felt to have Gai's lips on his skin, those talented fingers running along toned muscles and fine hair until they reached where Kakashi wanted them most. Gai had never been one to waste time, so he would easily slip his hand through the waistband of Kakashi's pants and grasp him. 

Kakashi suddenly realized that he was touching himself, and despite the fact that he had intentionally avoided doing exactly this for years, he couldn't stop himself now. Fantasizing about Gai after what he had done to the man had always felt dirty to him, but after their encounter on the training field, Kakashi couldn't think of anything else. He wasn't sure what this said about their relationship from here, but he figured what Gai didn't know wouldn't hurt him. He reluctantly allowed himself to return to his fantasy as he gently rubbed himself through his pants.

He thought about where they had left off, imagining Gai gently pushing at the waist of his pants, freeing his straining erection and taking it in hand. He gasped as he did so to himself, grasping his length in a loose fist as he teased himself. He stroked himself and closed his eyes, remembering the feeling of Gai kissing his throat, sucking on  _ that _ spot. He moaned as he tightened his fist, and he was so close even though it was so soon. He couldn't deny that it being Gai got him more wound up. It had been so long since he had been with Gai, and he had never been attracted to anyone as much as he was to Gai. Now, standing against the door of his apartment, hand in his pants as he jerked off to thoughts of a man he could never again have, he couldn't lie to himself any longer; he was still in love with Gai, and he honestly wasn't sure he would ever get over it.  But it was hard to understand how anyone didn't fall in love with him. He was supportive no matter what and eternally optimistic, not to mention devastatingly handsome, even if no one else saw it. Heaven help him, it only made him want the man more. 

He let out a groan as he rubbed his thumb over his slit, his closed eyelids fluttering as he imagined Gai's lips trailing over his chest, tongue following the path of those nimble fingers as they traveled over toned muscle and hard nipples. Kakashi's breath came faster as he neared his orgasm, and he heard Gai's voice, more memory than imagination, husky and deep, whispering Kakashi's name out of passion and lust. That alone was enough to push him over the edge, and he shuddered as his powerful climax overtook him. 

He slumped against the door to catch his breath. Once he'd had a moment to regather, he sighed as he thought about what he'd just done. It was inappropriate, given that he couldn't allow himself to display his feelings towards Gai to him. Kakashi didn't know if Gai's actions on the training ground had been because the other returned his feelings or if it was just a combination of his jumbled emotions from his recent break-up and the conversation he and Kakashi had been having, which Kakashi knew Gai considered long overdue. He knew Gai was emotionally vulnerable right now, and he realized now that he probably shouldn't have opened up that conversation then, but he had just wanted to make Gai feel better, as the older man had done for him so many times. But as usual, he’d fucked up again.

He sighed as he headed towards the shower. Well, maybe he wasn’t so great with emotions, but there were other ways to help Gai, weren’t there?

************************

The next day found Kakashi surreptitiously watching the pair on the training fields, smirking to himself every time a certain black-haired douchebag got his face kicked in (which was often). When the spar finally finished, Kakashi smiled to see that the one who stayed behind was just the one he had been hoping to get alone.

“Well, well, that session didn’t go well at all for you, did it, Sora-kun?” he said mockingly. 

The man glared at him. “The fuck do you want, Hatake?” he growled. 

Kakashi feigned hurt. “Why, Sora-kun, is that any way to speak to your superior?” he asked, tutting authoritatively. 

Sora glared at him. “Fuck off, you prick.”

At that, Kakashi had had enough. With lightning fast speed, he pinned Sora to the wall with a forearm across his chest. “That the way you talked to Gai, too? You cheated on him, so obviously you didn’t have any issue treating him like shit.”

The other man snorted. “Yeah, like he wasn't fucking emotionally cheating on me the whole God-damned time!” 

Kakashi rolled his eyes. “Oh, really? And how did he do that, exactly?” 

The other man bared his teeth at him. “You tell me. How fucking long has he been in love with you?!” 

Kakashi's eye widened momentarily before his face twisted into a cruel sneer to hide his hurt. How dare this useless nobody taunt him with his deepest, darkest desire? Had anyone asked, he would deny it, but Kakashi knew that a shinobi lying to themselves about their weaknesses could be dangerous. He fully admitted (to himself only) that he was still madly in love with Gai, and his most unrealistic dream was that Gai was still in love with him and just waiting for Kakashi to realize how perfect hey we're for each other. In Kakashi's deepest fantasies, he professed his undying love for his best friend and they rode off together into Gai's somehow ever-present sunset backdrop.

The tokujo sneered. “Were you unaware that your best friend has the hots for you, you psychotic friend-killing bastard? I've even heard that hideous thing moan your name in his sleep. Go ahead, you can have that pathetic piece of shit. The only reason I was ever with him anyway was because he was an easy lay and always paid for our dates, but I've been fucking around on him since day one. He's shitty in the sack anyway.”

Kakashi completely skipped past the insult against himself without even thinking about it, but when the bastard admitted to using Gai just for sex and started talking shit about him, his vision blurred red. Before he could even think about what was happening, his Sharingan was exposed and the useless man before him was crumpled into an unconscious, twitching heap on the ground. Kakashi looked down at him and sighed. Well, shit. This was going to get him into trouble. 

As he debated what to do with the useless fucker, a maniacal grin spread across his face as an idea hit him. Oh, yes, this would be the perfect opportunity to get revenge for the man he loved. 

He frowned as he started securing the man's limbs with chakra wire, thinking over what he had said and it made him even angrier. How could anyone think Gai was bad in bed?

******************

As Gai ate his dango, he contemplated his situation with Kakashi. He knew the man was flighty, and he'd have to be very careful. If he didn't play his cards right, he could lose Kakashi again, and may not be able to recover their friendship again if he did. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't notice the approaching whirlwind in time to get away, and Anko managed to plop herself down on the bench right next to him. 

He looked up at the sudden presence, and cleared his throat uncomfortably seeing who it was, and he stood to leave. “Oh get over yourself, Maito. So I screwed your ex. Who you happen to still be madly in love with, might I add. None of which, by the way, did I know when we first started fucking.”

Gai breathed deeply and released his clenched fist as he forced himself to sink back to the bench. “Some discretion, Anko. Kakashi has been through enough. He doesn't need his personal business aired about in public by his girlfriend,” he said quietly. He jumped when Anko burst into hysterical laughter.  “What is so funny?” he hissed.

Anko managed to calm down after several minutes. “You think I'm his girlfriend?” 

Gai looked confused. “Well, you... you're sleeping with him still, aren't you?” He was proud of himself for managing to keep the pain out of his voice.

Anko let out another short burst of laughter. “Well, yeah, occasionally, but it's not a relationship. We just happen to have a… mutual understanding with each other, that's all.” Gai blinked uncomprehendingly at her, and she sighed. “Look, Gai, Kakashi hasn't had a relationship since you. After how things ended, he decided he wasn't the relationship type. It's been friends with benefits and sleazy one-night-stands for him ever since.” She grimaced when she saw the hurt flash over Gai's face. “...and that was probably more than you needed to know. Sorry, I'm not much better at this whole 'being a human’ thing than Kakashi is.” She laughed awkwardly. 

Gai swallowed hard. “So, you two… you see other people?” 

Anko pulled back to look at him, an amused and inquisitive look on her face as she nodded in confirmation, waiting to see where Gai was going with this. 

“But you sleep together… and talk to each other about personal things… You’re close?”

The crazy snake-user frowned as she thought about it for a second before breaking into a grin. “Yeah, II’d say so. ‘M probably closer to Kakashi than almost anyone else in this nosy-ass town. He knows how to keep a secret.” She snorted. “You know, you’d think that as a village of shinobi, we’d be able to shut our damn mouths, but…”

Gai cut her off. “Did he tell you?!” The look in his eyes was pleading, almost frantic, and she pulled back in understandable concern. 

“Tell me what?”

His face fell. He closed his eyes and looked away to the table, shaking his head slowly. “...nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Anko raised a brow and smirked. “You’re a fool if you think I’m about to let that go. I’ll get it out of you, one way or another,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. 

Gai laughed humorlessly. “I’m not like Kakashi, Anko. I don’t sleep with women. That won’t work on me.”

Her brow raised higher. “Oh? Whose to say that’s what I was offering?” Gai looked at her quizically, and her grin grew to proportions that made Gai question her already feeble sanity. He was about to leave when she spoke again. “Perhaps, if you make me your confidant, tell me your excitement and your woes… then perhaps, if I were to find myself in a position where a certain silver-haired jonin were to try to get me alone, I may… find I have other things to do…” 

Gai’s head shot up, and Anko grinned at her prey briefly before feigning innocence. “Oh, are you… interested in my offer? I can’t tell,” she teased, unable to make it even halfway through her act before her smirk came back.

Gai swallowed hard, debating his options. On the one hand, she had admitted to being close to Kakashi (though Gai knew from experience that just because one deemed themselves close to Kakashi did not mean that he concurred). But what would she say to get the information she wanted out of him? On the other hand, he had heard rumors that what she said about Kakashi’s sex life was true (he had tried to ignore them to avoid the pain the thought of his love with another caused, but Kakashi was a popular topic of village gossip, and it was impossible to escape it all). He had gathered that Kakashi didn’t seem to keep lovers around, a one or two night deal being the max that anyone knew. Her information seemed correct, but she may have just gleaned it from the same sources that he had. The only reason he even knew she was still sleeping with him was because after catching them in bed together, Kakashi had been less discreet with taking her home from the bars when they went out with their friends. Gai had tried to ignore that, too, and eventually had started bringing Sora, both for his friends to meet and also to distract him from whoever Kakashi’s bed partner for the night may be.

Finally he sighed. He looked up at Anko, biting his lip, before saying, “Did he tell you that we kissed?”

Anko looked entirely unimpressed by his admission. “Come on, Maito. You two were together for years, he didn’t have to  _ tell _ me you kissed. I kinda just knew. Among other things.”

Gai sighed. “Not then. Recently.”

Anko’s eyes lit up at that. “Recently? How recently?”

Gai looked to the side, slightly ashamed of his answer. “Yesterday?”

Anko grinned. “Yesterday, huh? That explains some things.”

Gai looked at her in confusion. “What things?”

Anko snorted again. “Like how I found your precious bastard of a boyfriend strung up by his ankles in the Forest of Death at about 6:30 this morning, screaming like a little bitch.”

Gai’s eyes went wide. “What?!”

Anko laughed. “Yeah. He wouldn’t tell me what happened, but I didn’t really need him to. Chakra wire.”

Gai looked confused for a second, and Anko sighed. “Chakra wire is handy and all, but there’s only one shinobi that I know that uses it with any regularity, and that’s…”

Gai’s eyes widened. “Kakashi!!” With that, he sprung from his seat, and was halfway down the street by the time Anko had stopped coughing the dust he had kicked up out of her lungs. 

“Hey, don’t forget you owe me details, Gai! I will find you!!!” she called after him, before resuming her coughing. Whether he heard her or not, she would never know. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confrontation is had, but it may create more issues than solutions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this came out waay angstier than I had ever intended for this fic to get, so... sorry about that. Also, please don't hate Kakashi, he's just damaged :( He just needs a little love to fix him right up :)

**** Gai smiled as he took in the sight before him. He had spent the rest of the day trying to find Kakashi, only to be disappointed at every turn as he watched a flash of silver disappear just around the next corner. It didn’t surprise him; Kakashi had always been flighty, especially when it came to taking new steps in their relationship, and reigniting it would be possibly more terrifying to him than anything that had come before. Had he been less upset when Kakashi had come across him at the training grounds, he probably would have used more finesse to pursue the other man. However, having exactly what he wanted, close and open and vulnerable, when he himself was at a low… It had been too tempting to resist. 

He had always guessed that Kakashi still held feelings for him, but without any confirmation, and with Kakashi’s determined immediate shut-down of any talk of their previous relationship, he had never been able to confirm that, but his enthusiastic response to Gai’s kiss yesterday was the only confirmation Gai needed. 

He had finally managed to track the elusive jonin down on the bridge over the river. The sun was just starting to set, and he smiled at the way the golden hues danced over Kakashi’s hair as he sat, lost in thought, sitting along the railing and leaning back against a support post with one foot up on the rail while the other dangled over the path. His elbow rested across his bent knee, and his chin sat on his bicep as he stared out over the water. As usual, the majority of his face was covered, but Gai didn’t need to see it to know that it would be pensive. The very fact that he had managed to catch up to Kakashi when the other was obviously avoiding him was indication enough that he was engrossed in thought. Gai enjoyed the sight for a moment longer, committing to memory exactly how he looked, before pasting a smile on his face and heading over. 

He knew the exact moment Kakashi sensed his presence, watching his face cloud over into a carefully orchestrated mask and his posture tense. He didn’t run, however, and for that, Gai was grateful. He kept approaching until he was standing right beside Kakashi, placing his hands one over the other on the railing and staring out at the same sunrise as the man he loved. They were silent for a moment, Gai enjoying the moment and Kakashi waiting for him to speak. 

“We need to talk, Kakashi,” he said quietly. 

Kakashi bit his lip under his mask, an old nervous habit of his. “I don’t know what about,” he lied.

Gai chuckled softly. “Kakashi… we kissed. And not just any old kiss, either. That was a hell of a kiss. That was the kind of kiss that says something, you know?”

Kakashi was quiet for a long moment. The sun had noticeably moved further below the horizon by the time he spoke. “We're over, Gai. We can't do things like that anymore. We don't have 'moments’.”

Gai let out a breath. He was a little disappointed, but it wasn't as though he hadn't expected Kakashi to say something like that. “We could,” he said quietly. Kakashi didn't respond, which again, didn't surprise him. He sighed. “I never meant for that to be the end, that night. I just… needed space,” he said quietly, staring out over the river. 

Kakashi was silent for a moment. “You’re the one that told me to go.”

Gai’s fists clenched on the railing before him, his body tensing in frustration before he forced himself to take a deep breath and calm down. “God dammit, Kakashi, we were together for three years! You should have known me better! You should have known that I would never give up on you! I would…” He stopped as something occurred to him, something he hadn’t bothered to think of since that night. He took a deep breath, and his fingers tightened over the railing again as he took  a step back, bending over so his forehead practically rested on the splintered wood. “But I should have known you better, too…”

Kakashi’s voice was dangerous when he spoke. “And what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Gai sighed again. “It means, I should have known how you’d take what I said. I should have talked to you, been more transparent. I should have made sure we were on the same page.” 

“But you didn't.”

“No, I didn't. I was hurting, and I let that cloud my judgment. I wasn't thinking, Kakashi. I know how you are, how you try to protect those around you, from yourself most of all. I know how you think of yourself, Kakashi…”

Kakashi finally turned to Gai. “And what makes you think that I didn't just want to leave? Perhaps I was just done with you. Tired of you.”

Gai turned away, taking a deep breath as he forced himself to unclench his fists. “I know that's not true. You loved me. I think you love me still. You're just too scared to admit it.”

Kakashi laughed cruelly and rolled his eyes. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Gai.” He got up to leave.

As he started walking away, Gai had a thought. “Who was it?” he asked quietly. 

Kakashi seemed surprised by the question. He quickly shook it off. “I don’t see how me telling you that helps anyone.”

Gai took a deep breath. “I deserve to know, Kakashi.”

Kakashi snorted in derision. “I don’t think so. What you deserved was to know that I did it. And I told you that. Any details beyond the fact that I was unfaithful are none of your concern.”

Gai shook his head. “I disagree. Anytime I see you with someone I don’t know, or if I don’t know how you know them, it makes me jealous, Kakashi. It makes me wonder if they were the one. We can’t start a new relationship like that…”

Kakashi cut him off with a cold laugh. “New relationship? Is that what all of this has been about? What makes you think I  _ want _ to start a new relationship with you?”

Gai stopped midsentence, staring, pain and shock evident on his face. “But… the kiss…” he stammered.

Kakashi laughed again, turning. Gai swallowed hard when he saw the indifference on Kakashi’s face.  _ It’s just a mask, _ he told himself, though the words were harder to believe when that look was directed at him. 

“It was just a kiss, Gai. A great kiss, yeah, but just a kiss nonetheless.  We’ve always had great physical chemistry, you and I, and I just got carried away. Been a while for me. I'm sure you know how it is. I was just horny. But don't worry, I've taken care of that since. Won't happen again, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that you would misunderstand so completely,” he said, chuckling lightly as though there were any humor in the situation at all. 

Gai glared for a moment before Kakashi suddenly found himself pressed against the railing, the length of Gai’s muscular body pressed against him and the taijutsu user’s strong fist tangled in the fabric covering his chest. “Don’t you dare do this, Kakashi. You and I BOTH know that I did not misunderstand ANYTHING. There is no such thing as a ‘just a kiss’ between us, not with the history we have. You kissed me back, dammit! Stop fighting me! You want this too, I know you do…”

He was interrupted when the clone he was manhandling turned into a log in a puff of smoke and he whirled around just in time to stop Kakashi’s fist from impacting the side of his head, holding it in his own hand as he stared defiantly into Kakashi’s angry eyes. “You have no right to talk to me about what I want, Gai,” Kakashi hissed dangerously. “I tolerate you because you wouldn’t allow anything else, but I can never trust you again. You betrayed me, in the worst way possible. You ruined my career, you took the only thing in my life that had meaning anymore. You practically ended my life yourself when you campaigned to have me stripped from the ANBU. Don’t you DARE talk to me about how you seem to know what’s best for me! If you really want to do me a favor, then leave me the hell alone!”

With that, he tried to leave, but Gai refused to let go of his fist. Gai knew he didn’t have long, that Kakashi would soon lose patience with him and use a substitution, so he got to the point quickly. “I will never apologize for  _ saving you _ , Kakashi. ANBU was not good for you, it didn’t have meaning. The only thing it meant was that you could work to your death, and that was what you were on your way to doing. Be angry at me if you want, but I will never feel regret for saving your life. You were killing yourself, and we all saw it. Your life has meaning, Kakashi, it does. You just have to give it a chance…”

Gai let out a deep breath, his hand dropping to his side as the solid fist in his own disappeared suddenly. He turned and placed his elbows back on the railing, scrubbing his hands over his face before clasping them before him, leaning on the railing for support. He stared out over the water as he felt Kakashi’s chakra growing more and more distant, thinking about what the other man had said. He had never considered that Kakashi might be hurt by his actions in having him removed from the ANBU. All he had thought about was the desperate voice in his head screaming to save him. He didn’t know if Kakashi was right or he was, but he hadn’t lied when he told Kakashi that he would never regret his actions. Even if Kakashi never forgave him, Gai would rather live in a world with a Kakashi who wanted nothing to do with him for saving his life than a world in which the breathtaking silver-haired jonin didn’t exist. He may not have experienced as much tragedy as Kakashi in their time, but he had very little in the way of precious people, and Kakashi would always be one of his, whether the younger man liked it or not. He couldn’t lose him. He wouldn’t. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gai finally learns the identity of Kakashi's lover, and gets some questions answered.

Gai stared at the rooftop in front of him, listening carefully to the conversation at the teahouse below. He could only hear bits and pieces from this distance, and knew he shouldn’t eavesdrop on Kakashi, but the pieces of conversation he had heard made it impossible for him to leave. He took in the appearance of Kakashi’s conversation partner. Unremarkable brown hair, brown eyes, and a rather forgettable face. An asset as a ninja, not so charming on the dating scene. But apparently it was remarkable enough, to Kakashi, at least. Remarkable enough to be the reason Gai had lost him. 

He swallowed hard as he slipped down from the rooftop, making sure to stay out of Kakashi’s line of sight and to look inconspicuous as he seated himself at a table far enough from them that he wouldn’t be sensed by Kakashi but close enough that he could hear their conversation. 

“No, Kakashi. It isn’t like that at all. You are right about one thing. I thought I loved you. ‘Thought’ being the operative word. What I felt for you was not romantic love, it was a different sort of closeness. I simply could not comprehend that at the time because of my appalling lack of socialization,” the brunette said. 

Kakashi glared at his friend. “What’s your point, Tenzo?”

The man, Tenzo, let out a long-suffering sigh, resuming his explanation as though speaking to a toddler. “They’re completely different scenarios, Kakashi. Gai doesn’t  _ think _ he’s in love with you. He  _ is _ in love with you. I thought I loved you, but I was wrong. I know that now. I can be friends with you because your rejection doesn’t hurt anymore. It doesn’t have to, because you’ve accepted me in the way I always wanted you to to begin with, even though I didn’t know it at the time. Gai will never accept just being your friend, knowing what he’s missing.”

Kakashi snorted. “That’s where you’re wrong, Tenzo. Gai has already accepted being my friend. We’ve been just friends for a year now.”

Tenzo raised an eyebrow. “Yes. After which he kissed you while you were attempting to comfort him. Either he’s a  _ really _ good friend, or he’s just been waiting to make his move all along.”

“Shut up, Tenzo. You don’t know what you’re talking about. That doesn’t even make sense. Gai isn’t capable of putting on a charade like that. Plus, he was in a relationship with someone else for seven months of that year,” Kakashi growled. 

Tenzo looked unfazed by Kakashi’s assessment. When the other sent him a dry look in waiting for his explanation, he gave a small, almost smug smile. “Kakashi, I think you know as well as I do that you’re looking for excuses. You’ve spent the years since your relationship ended telling yourself you can’t be together because Gai didn’t want you, and now that he has shown interest, you’re trying to justify why it won’t work because you feel he deserves better. And as for that relationship he was in? Well, I may know a little something about that…”

Kakashi froze. “What do you mean?”

Tenzo raised an eyebrow. “Why are you interested if you two are only friends? Hm, senpai?”

Kakashi growled. “Shut up and tell me before I force it out of you.”

Tenzo laughed. “Sora happens to be an acquaintance of one of my squad members. I heard that he had complained to some of his friends that he thought Gai was hung up on an ex. I also heard that he somehow managed to get tangled up in some chakra wire, and refuses to talk about the incident.”

Kakashi looked unimpressed. “And? What’s that got to do with me?”

Tenzo rolled his eyes. “Come on, senpai, you aren’t fooling anyone. Everyone knows it was you who tied Sora up. Quite frankly, I don’t think anyone blames you. The guy’s a douche in the best of circumstances. Cheating on the man you love? He hurt Gai, so you hurt him. It’s that simple.”

Kakashi sighed again. “There you go again. I  _ do not _ love Gai still! I got over him while we were together…”

Tenzo snorted. “See, that’s the thing, Kakashi. You never got over him, and you never loved me. I promise, it doesn’t hurt me. It did, but I’m well over it now. You’re just trying to convince yourself that we loved each other because it gives what we did meaning…” Tenzo started. 

Kakashi glared at him. “Of course I do! Because if what we did didn’t mean anything, then…” he growled through his teeth before pausing. His voice grew soft, sad. “Then I lost everything… for nothing.”

Tenzo looked sadly at his friend. “Look, Kakashi, I have always understood why you felt the way you did about us. But you have a rare chance to fix things, the kind of chance that only comes around once in a lifetime. You can’t screw it up just because you can’t forgive yourself, because clearly Gai has. Are you really going to risk letting him walk away again?”

Kakashi didn't respond, instead downing the last of his tea in one gulp and standing. Tenzo shook his head, smiling. “Good talk. Catch you later,” he called after Kakashi. As predicted, the older man didn't respond.

When Kakashi left, Tenzo took another sip of his tea. Just as Gai turned to leave as well… “You can come out now.”

Gai froze, back to the man staring at him from their table. He turned slowly, a sheepish grin on his face. “I just came to challenge Kakashi,” he lied. “It looked as though you two were having an intense conversation, and I did not wish to interrupt and disturb my precious rival while…”

“Cut the crap. You followed him here, and were spying on us. I would ask why, but I’m fairly certain I already know, so let’s not waste either of our time. I’m guessing you heard enough of that conversation to know who I am?”

Gai dropped his grin, his face turning more grim than it may have ever been before outside of battle, and he took the seat Kakashi had just vacated. “Yes.”

Tenzo took a deep breath and nodded, picking up his coffee and taking a sip as he let his eyes wander for a moment. When he set the cup back down, he looked back at Gai. “Well, I would guess there’s probably a few choice things you have to say to me, so let’s hear it.”

Gai thought for a moment, his eyes roaming the other man's face. Up close, with his features thrown into more detail, he seemed less plain-looking, though Gai acknowledged that may just be his insecurities talking. He had always had so many questions regarding who Kakashi had cheated with, and now, he was face-to-face with him. He took a moment as he puzzled over what to ask first. “Did you know?”

“About you? No. Kakashi had never told any of our team that he was in a relationship. Not because he was ashamed, mind you, but because I honestly don’t know that he ever trusted anyone enough. If they betrayed us, or even if one of our enemies overheard a conversation about you, it put you in danger, and that was something Kakashi couldn’t risk.”

“But, from what you were saying, it sounds like he has told you about us since then?”

Tenzo considered for a moment, watching Gai’s face intently. “Yes. He finally admitted to me what I had been unknowingly responsible for some time after we slept together.”

Gai ignored the twinge in his chest. “He didn’t think we were worth mentioning until then?” he murmured, more to himself than the man across the table. Tenzo answered anyway. 

“He’s never said as much, but I don’t think it was that you weren’t worth mentioning. You and I both know Kakashi. The damage was already done, and telling me wouldn’t fix it, so he didn’t bother. He didn’t want me to be burdened with guilt over what I had done. Kakashi has always made sure I knew he didn’t blame me, but I think he knows I don’t fully believe him, and that I don’t agree.”

Gai looked up at that, surprised. “You don’t?” Tenzo shook his head. “Why not? You said yourself you didn’t know. How would you feel it was your fault?”

Tenzo let out an amused breath. “I’m surprised you’re not blaming me, too.” Gai didn’t answer, and he sighed, his face becoming much less amused. “I blame myself because I know myself. I was different then than I am now. And if I’m being completely honest, I don’t think that knowing about you would have stopped me. I was selfish, I didn’t know you… I truly believe that even if I had known Kakashi had someone waiting at home for him that night, I still would have seduced him. I’m ashamed of that now, but at the time, I didn’t care. I thought I loved him, stupidly thought I was the only one who could possibly understand him. I was young, and stupid, and he was the first person who had ever truly cared about me as a person, not a weapon. I’m sorry to you for that. I hate that if I had just been more aware, you and Kakashi would never have lost what you had.”

Gai took a deep breath, forcing his anger down. It wouldn’t do him any good to get upset now, especially since the man seemed truly sorry. But he also couldn’t entirely bring himself to forgive him. “We can’t change the past now,” he said quietly. Then he decided to ask the question that had truly been bothering him for years. “The day after Kakashi told me he cheated, he disappeared for two months. I knew he was on an ANBU mission, and he told me upon his return that he was alone, but…”

“He wasn’t with me.” 

Gai breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” 

They were interrupted by the waitress, coming over with a quick look of shock at Tenzo’s change of dining partner, but she quickly recovered and cheerily offered to get him a menu, or a beverage. He politely declined, saying he wasn’t staying long. Tenzo thanked the girl for checking on them, and waved her off, and they sat in silence for a few moments. “Did you sleep with him again? After that time?” The visible change in Tenzo’s body tension answered the question for him. “How long?”

Tenzo shook his head. “It wasn’t like that. We were never in a relationship, it was just sex,” he explained, holding up his hands in apology. 

Gai shook his head. “That’s not what I meant.”

Tenzo looked confused for a moment, before comprehension dawned in his eyes. “When he told me about you. That was the next time.”

“And when was that?”

“About six months after the first time, probably.” Tenzo cringed when he saw pain flash across Gai’s face, and he hastily tried to make up for it. “Look, Gai, I never meant anything to Kakashi. Not like that. Kakashi cares for me, sure, but only ever as a friend. I was really… more of a warm body for him than anything,” he stammered out.

Gai laughed humorlessly, fixing Tenzo with a bewildered expression. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? That he fucked you and didn't care? It took me a year to even consider dating someone else, two years before I had sex again. Do you honestly think that telling me you didn't mean anything can make up for learning the man I love waited just six months before jumping back in bed with the man he cheated on me with?” 

“I just…” Tenzo started before sighing. “No, of course that wouldn't make you feel better. But you need to know the truth. Kakashi came to me not because he wanted  _ me _ , but because he wanted  _ someone _ . Kakashi needs someone like that sometimes, to help him get his mind off the bad missions, the lost friends, the horrifying memories and the nightmares that plague him. I'm sure you know that better than even I do. But he needed someone, and he couldn't have who he wanted, so he made do with me.”

Gai looked at Tenzo, and sighed. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly.

Tenzo looked confused. “For what?” 

“You cared about him, and he didn't return your interest. That must have been hard.”

Tenzo laughed. “Gai, there's no need to feel sorry for me. What I experienced with Kakashi can't possibly have hurt as bad as what we did to you.”

Gai shrugged. “Maybe so, but at least I had the opportunity to know what I was missing. You never got that.” 

“Look, Gai, just forget about that. I'm kind of glad I can still think of him as just a friend. And I know I’m probably the last person in the world you want advice from… Probably the last person in the world you want to talk to, honestly. But, like it or not, I probably know Kakashi second only to you. And it’s pretty obvious to me that Kakashi is still in love with you. I know for a fact that he thinks he doesn’t deserve to be happy, that after all the things he’s done, he should be miserable and alone. But I don’t believe that. And I don’t know you well, but I don’t think you do, either. I can tell you care about Kakashi, and with everything he’s told me about you… well, it’s pretty clear to me that his feelings are not unrequited. However, if you can’t forgive him for what he did… if you can’t allow the two of you to move on and be happy, maybe it’s time that your ‘rivalry’ started to fade,” Tenzo said. Gai was about to angrily open his mouth, but Tenzo held up a hand to stop him. “He deserves to be happy, Gai. And can you honestly say that it isn’t harder on the two of you, loving each other without being able to be together?”

Gai thought about that for a moment. Though he hated to admit it, given the source, he had to admit there was some truth to it. So instead, he decided to focus on something else. He would think over Tenzo’s advice after the man had left. “Do you love him?” he asked quietly.

Tenzo chuckled quietly. “No. I don't. Not like that, anyway.  Back then, I thought I did. I thought what I felt for him was love, because I had never experienced it before. Kakashi made a call, one that was hard for him to make, one that he knew would hurt me, and it did. But, he also knew I needed it.”

Gai stared at the ground. “And what was that?”

Tenzo sighed. “He forced me to let him go. He forced me away from him, made it painfully obvious to me that there would never be anything but sex between the two of us. And then, when he was forced to leave ANBU, he just… disappeared. And yeah, it hurt like hell, but… it allowed me to move on. And when I did, I realized that what I felt for him was not romantic love. I was able to find a man that I do love, that I want to be with, and I’m happy now. I know the difference now. Kakashi is a good friend, and I would go so far as to say we're close, even moreso now than before. We couldn’t have had that if he hadn’t had the strength to let go.”

With that, Tenzo laid money on the table for his and Kakashi’s tea, and left, and Gai heard Tenzo’s hidden meaning louder than the closing door. He stared at Kakashi's empty cup, memories of their life flashing before him. He remembered the day he met Kakashi. He had been an arrogant prick, knowing he was better than everyone. When Gai was allowed to join the academy, he made it known from day one that Kakashi was his rival, and he would one day best him. He remembered his disappointment that Kakashi was always better than him; he was smarter, better at jutsu and long-range weaponry, and at first, he even defeated Gai at taijutsu.

When word made it around that Kakashi had graduated the academy at the unheard of age of 5, Gai had gone home and cried to his father, who had encouraged him, saying that he just had to train harder and not allow Kakashi to best him. When Kakashi had beaten him out and become a chunin, Gai had despaired, but had forced himself to use that as a motivator. He had convinced himself that every loss against Kakashi was just a learning experience, and he would make it up to Kakashi tenfold.

And when they hit puberty, Gai remembered the joy of slowly realizing the true meaning behind his feelings for Kakashi. He had been confused, at first, but when his father had explained that sometimes boys like boys, and that’s just how it is, he had accepted it heartily. His attempts to befriend Kakashi had become even more intense, and Kakashi’s reaction had become more aloof. After the death of Gai’s father, he threw himself wholeheartedly into training and pursuing Kakashi, but with each subsequent tragedy in Kakashi’s life, the already elusive jonin drew further and further away from those that he had only ever called ‘friend’ loosely in the first place.

Gai still remembered, clear as day, the day he had finally cornered Kakashi. The day he had made Kakashi his. Gai had been 18 at the time, Kakashi 17. Gai had found Kakashi training alone in one of the training grounds, and had challenged Kakashi to a spar, surprised when the younger man had accepted. They had sparred most of the day, until finally, they were both exhausted. They agreed to have one more go at each other, and got into position across the training field. Both young men had launched across the field at the other, and after a brief scuffle, Gai had found himself the victor, laying atop Kakashi’s body as the boy panted with exhaustion. He remembered staring down into mismatched eyes, reveling in Kakashi's shock at having been defeated.

But a minute shift of his hips over Kakashi's thighs had been enough to remind him that having Kakashi under him like this, panting and sweaty, was everything Gai had wanted for a long time, and before his brain could stop him, he collapsed on top of the boy beneath him, their lips colliding, separated only by the sweaty fabric over Kakashi’s mouth. Gai had opened his eyes to find Kakashi staring at him in shock, and had pulled back, expecting the boy to beat the living hell out of him despite his exhaustion. What he hadn’t expected was for Kakashi to yank his mask down and to be pulled back against the smaller man, even closer than before, Kakashi’s lips moving clumsily against Gai’s.

Gai had found himself involved in a committed relationship with Kakashi, though it progressed very slowly. It was weeks before they kissed again, months before things progressed to anything more physical. But that was okay. Gai loved Kakashi dearly, and relished every moment they spent together. But Kakashi’s emotional baggage was always a dark cloud hanging over them, one that Gai was afraid would be their ruin. He had begged Kakashi to leave the ANBU, but always received the same answer: “Don’t worry, Gai. I can take care of myself.” Gai thought now of how happy he had been, how in love he was and the elation he felt every time Kakashi had climbed in his window, alive and seeking comfort after a mission.

But… He also remembered how devastated he had been that day. The day the ground had been torn out from under him. Kakashi had entered his apartment through his window after returning from a mission, as he had done so many times prior. But this time, Kakashi had been different. He seemed subdued, not happy to see Gai, as he usually was. Gai had panicked and asked if something was wrong, figuring one of Kakashi’s teammates had died, or something along those lines. Nothing could have prepared him for the blow Kakashi dropped on him, his heart wrenching admission to having slept with someone while he was away on the mission. Gai had been at a loss for words. He had never even imagined that his rival was capable of something so… so dirty, and cruel.

He remembered demanding Kakashi leave, and regretting it immediately. He followed Kakashi, only to find him at home, destroying everything he owned. He had known Kakashi long enough to know that interrupting him then would only be dangerous for the both of them, so he had watched silently until Kakashi finally ran out of things to break and sat heavily on his bed, head in his hands. His shaking shoulders told Gai he was crying. And Gai had watched a moment longer.

He knew he should go to him, should set the record straight. Tell him that while he may need space right now, this wasn't the end for them. But he couldn't. Despite his youthfully optimistic personality, he was still hurting over his partner’s betrayal. He wasn't ready to forgive and forget just yet. He had made Gai feel like that scrawny kid who would never be good enough for Kakashi all over again. It had hurt, quite possibly more than anything Gai had ever felt, and that was saying something for a taijutsu master such as himself. 

And Gai had known that if he were to go to Kakashi then, he  _ would _ have forgiven him, comforted him as he cried. After all, taking care of Kakashi was what Gai was good at. 

Instead, he had left, promising he would come back the next day and talk with Kakashi. He would let him know that he would have to earn his forgiveness, but make sure the younger man knew he was willing to give it, eventually. When the wound hurt less. 

But the next morning, he hadn't been able to find Kakashi anywhere. He had looked at his home, at all his favorite spots, anywhere he could think of. Finally, he found Asuma, who told him he had seen Kakashi leaving his home at daybreak in full ANBU gear. Gai remembered the pain clearly as clarity had washed over him: he  _ wasn’t _ good enough. Kakashi had left with his team right after leaving him. The team that presumably had Kakashi’s new lover on it. 

Gai had walked away from Asuma in a daze, despite the other man calling out after him, trying to make sure he was okay. Gai hadn’t even heard him. He had wandered the village for what felt like hours, though based on the position of the sun had only been about 30 or 45 minutes. Before he knew it, his feet had carried him to that fateful place where their relationship had started. The training ground where they had first kissed. 

As he was thinking, Gai was abruptly brought back to reality with a sudden change of scenery, realizing only then that he had unconsciously shunshinned to the exact training ground he was thinking of. It was no longer a main training ground, having worn out over the years, but it was still one of his favorites. There were plenty of sturdy trees around to beat up, and the lack of use meant that it didn’t really matter if he uprooted one entirely. But for now, he just stared at the place where he and Kakashi had fallen after that fateful spar, and plotted.


	5. Chapter 5

Gai looked in the mirror, taking a deep breath to calm himself. Today was the day. He had decided last night while tossing and turning in bed that today was the day he was going to win Kakashi back. He wasn’t entirely sure how he planned to do that, but it would involve trapping Kakashi somewhere and forcing him to see reason. Unfortunately, Kakashi was avoiding him, and he was an expert at staying hidden when he wanted to. After all, it was literally his job description. But Gai wasn’t worried. After all, love and persistence won out against everything eventually, and certainly had against Kakashi many a time before this. 

Gai finished his morning training routine and spent his shower wondering where Kakashi might be this morning. As soon as he was dressed and presentable, he headed out, carefully locking up after himself. The first place he went was the memorial stone, knowing that Kakashi liked to go there to think and to talk to his dead teammates. Gai didn’t really understand the talking to dead people thing, but perhaps that’s because the only truly significant loss he’d experienced was his father, who had told him time and time again that should anything happen to him, Gai should honor him by continuing to live. And that was what Gai did. But the talking thing seemed to help Kakashi, so who was Gai to judge?

When Kakashi wasn’t there, Gai went to his top three favorite bookstores, his favorite tea house, his preferred training ground, and his apartment. Becoming frustrated that his search was turning up no results (though not surprised), he went to stake out Kakashi’s favorite restaurant for lunch, eating himself while he was there. Kakashi didn’t show up, and finally, he sighed and paid his bill. He wondered again where the elusive jonin was, but decided to give the search a break for just a moment. He headed for the Hokage tower to turn in a mission report from his team’s last mission. He smiled as he thought about the way they had fought off nearly a dozen attackers in order to protect the merchant caravan of produce and livestock, his heart glowing with pride. As he came out of his reminiscence, he jolted as he realized he was following Kakashi himself. 

Clearly, the man was either unaware of Gai following him (unlikely) or assumed that Gai was up to exactly what he was, so Gai didn’t change his path or try to hide and make it seem suspicious. He longed to call out to the man, but didn’t for fear that it would spook him and cause him to disappear again. Gai followed Kakashi all the way to the Hokage tower, at one point pulling out his mission report and pretending to check it over in an attempt to relax Kakashi. He fought the urge to smile when he saw Kakashi's shoulders slump infintesimally in relief.

When they reached the tower, Kakashi immediately headed off towards the Hokage's office, and Gai bit his lip with indecision. On the one hand, he really did need to turn in this mission report, and the missions office was in the complete opposite direction. But he also didn't want to lose Kakashi. He was relieved when he saw that Kakashi had been stopped by Shikaku Nara. He got a little closer to listen. 

“Thanks for coming in, Kakashi. I know it's not your favorite thing, but we could really use your input on the movements of these bandits. All the information you need is laid out on the Hokage's desk. Feel free to use his office, he's done with it for today.”

Kakashi smiled genially. “Took off early, did he?” 

Shikaku grimaced. “I wish. I'm stuck in budget and policy meetings with him for the rest of the day.”

Kakashi laughed and patted the older man on the shoulder. “Better you than me,” he said with a devilish grin. 

Shikaku scowled. “Oh, just you wait… one day, they'll be asking you to take part in these things. After all, you're a renowned genius, too.”

Kakashi just smirked. “Yes, but one of my greatest skills is avoiding responsibility.”

Shikaku laughed at that. “Well, you aren't wrong about that one. I'm half afraid my Shikamaru is going to see you as some sort of role model.” With that, he walked off shaking his head, and Kakashi headed up the stairs to the Hokage's office.

Knowing where Kakashi was heading, Gai headed off towards the missions desk. He had lingered in the lobby long enough that he was concerned he might have made Kakashi suspicious, so he felt it important to head off to complete his task right away. Plus, if this conversation didn't go well, he wasn't sure if he would remember to bring it in by the end of the day. So he walked into the missions room, shot the breeze with Izumo and Kotetsu, charged with taking low level mission scrolls for the day while the Hokage was busy, and finally meandered his way towards the Hokage's office. 

He slipped inside, saw Kakashi leaning over the desk facing away from him, poring over reports and maps. To anyone else, he may look unbothered, but Gai knew him well enough to know the distinctive wrinkling on his cheek meant he was concerned. Before Gai could speak, Kakashi slammed his fist down on the desk.

“Not looking good?” he asked. 

To his surprise, the jonin jumped, whirling around. He glared at Gai. “Announce yourself, would you? Damn.”

Gai raised a brow. “...You’re a sensor. I’ve never had to announce myself before…”

A look flashed over Kakashi’s face, barely visible before it disappeared into a scowl and he turned back around. “Whatever,” he muttered irritatedly. 

Gai frowned in concern. “Kakashi… is something wrong?”

“Nothing you should worry about,” the other man growled back, glowering down at the papers spread out in front of him. 

“Look, Kakashi, we need to talk about this.” 

Kakashi whirled angrily. “And if I don't want to?! You've been chasing me around for weeks, insisting we 'talk’, just assuming that's what I want! What if what I want is just to be left the hell alone?!” 

“There's a difference between what you want, and what you foolishly think you deserve,” Gai said quietly.

“And what the hell makes you believe you know anything about what I think?!” Kakashi growled. 

Gai smiled sadly. “I understand that you're upset, maybe even confused, Kakashi… but you're not stupid. Feigning ignorance to protect yourself from pain won't save you this time, because I'm not letting you go. I know you, Kakashi. I'm the only one that knows you. And that's how I know that you believe the people you love get hurt, and what happened between us only reinforced that because not only did I get hurt, it was directly by your actions. But that's also how I know I don't have to be scared of being with you. Because I know that you learn quickly, that you never make the same mistake twice.” 

“How can you be so sure? I don't understand how you can still have faith…” 

Gai stepped up until he was standing right in front of the other, and put a finger to his lips. “It has always been my job to have faith in you when you had none in yourself.”

Kakashi sighed. “Gai, no one asked you to…”

Gai smiled, his hand moving to cup Kakashi's cheek. “No one needed to.” His thumb played at the edge of Kakashi's mask, watching for a reaction. When he got none, he slowly peeled it down. Kakashi swallowed hard, but didn't stop him. Gai leaned forward and kissed the younger man, and Kakashi melted into his touch with a whimper. Gai nibbled gently on Kakashi's bottom lip, nearly biting him when he pulled back quickly and turned his head away.

“No… no, we can't...” he gasped. He pushed at Gai's chest. Gai stepped back, giving Kakashi the space he needed. 

Kakashi turned away, bending forward to place his hands on the desk. “Kakashi, why do you do this to yourself?” He stepped forward, reaching to place a hand on Kakashi's hip, but stopping himself at the last minute and pulling it back with a sigh. “Why won't you just let me love you?”

Kakashi didn't answer right away, so Gai sighed and turned to leave. “I want to.” 

The words were quiet, but Gai heard them loud and clear. He turned back, a smile on his face. He stepped up until he was pressed against Kakashi's back. He brushed Kakashi's hair from his ear, and whispered into it, “So let me.” He let his hands slide down Kakashi's sides.

Gai saw Kakashi sort through his options, but knew exactly what conclusion he would come to. Gai was close enough that he could prevent any escape, unless Kakashi wanted to chance diving ungracefully across the Hokage's desk, but even then, the likelihood that a quick shinobi like Gai would catch him was higher than his chance of successfully escaping. So instead, the younger man froze altogether when he felt the broad, calloused hands that cupped his hips. 

Gai slowly drew closer to Kakashi, nuzzling his face into the shorter man's neck, and smiling when he felt a shiver run down Kakashi's spine. Kakashi's eyes widened when he felt lips caress the juncture of his throat and shoulder, one of his most sensitive spots. He tried to keep his head clear, but no one had kissed him like this in years, not since the last time he and Gai had made love. He quickly found his head tilting of its own accord, and he let out a sigh of contentment. Gai smiled as he bit down gently, laving the light red mark with his tongue. Kakashi shivered again, and Gai chuckled. “Glad to see you're still so sensitive, love,” Gai murmured in his ear. 

He stepped closer, so that his groin was now pressed firmly against Kakashi's ass. He chanced sliding one hand around Kakashi's hip and slowly started palming Kakashi's half-hard cock. Kakashi moaned, and Gai could tell that he was almost where Gai wanted him. 

“That's right, baby, give yourself to me,” he whispered, his voice husky. He knew he had won when Kakashi whimpered slightly, his body relaxing, and Gai sighed when he felt the younger man's ass press back against him. 

Kakashi's eyes closed as he leaned into Gai's strong, muscular body. He had forgotten how good it felt to relinquish control and let someone else be in charge of his pleasure. The last time he had allowed anyone else to control a sexual situation had been his last night with Gai. It had been the night before he’d left for that train wreck of a mission, and he still thought about it on lonely nights, even though he tried his hardest not to. Like he had done often back then, he had let his walls down completely and let Gai take care of him, something that hadn’t happened since. Gai was the only one he'd done a lot of things with, as he was the only lover that Kakashi had ever trusted implicitly.

The long-lost feeling was so welcome that Kakashi found himself turning to face Gai, wrapping his arms around that strong chest once he had dragged Gai’s lips up to his. They kissed for several minutes before Gai’s hands tentatively slid down to Kakashi’s ass, and the younger man moaned. The sound went straight to Gai’s cock, causing him to push Kakashi back until he was pressed flush against the Hokage’s desk.  

Gai’s fingers tightened around Kakashi’s ass, using his grip to hoist him up onto the desk behind them, his body pushing back stacks of paperwork until they fell to the floor. Their lips didn’t disconnect even at the sound of probably hours of filing being destroyed. They kissed hungrily, desperately, as if they could make up for lost time with extra passion. Gai’s lips pulled from Kakashi’s and trailed down his jaw, and Kakashi bared his throat further to the path Gai’s tongue was trailing down to his shoulder. Kakashi’s fingers clutched at Gai’s shoulders, and he heard a throaty chuckle escape the larger man.

“Fuck, Kakashi, I forgot just how gorgeous you look when I get you all turned on,” Gai managed, his voice low and husky, sending shivers through Kakashi’s body. Gai’s hands slid from Kakashi’s ass down his thighs, drawing Kakashi’s muscular legs up around his hips. Kakashi instinctively hooked his feet, and let out a moan when Gai took advantage of their new position to roll his hips, pressing their erections against each other. Gai groaned at the sound, his head falling back as he repeated the action. “God, Kakashi, you have no idea how much I’ve missed this.”

Kakashi’s response was to fist his hand in Gai’s hair and aggressively drag their lips together, biting and sucking at the tender flesh. Gai moaned lightly and his hand worked its way between them, starting to undo Kakashi’s fly. Kakashi whimpered when the cold air hit his dick, but that didn’t last too long as Gai’s large fist immediately encircled it, pumping it slowly from base to tip. “Oh, God… Gai…” Kakashi moaned, bracing his arms behind him on the desk and letting his head fall backwards. Gai’s eyes roved hungrily over his wanton form as he let out soft little panting breaths.

He leaned in over Kakashi’s frame, taking his ear lobe into his mouth. “Kakashi… fuck, I want you so bad…” he groaned.

“Yes… oh, God, please,  _ yes _ ,” Kakashi gasped out, his hips starting to twitch upwards into Gai’s fist. He whined in protest when Gai’s hand was pulled from him, but didn’t argue as Gai unwound his legs from broad hips and pulled him off the desk. Gai then quickly turned him, only to press him right back against the wood and push until his chest rested on the smooth mahogany.

He reached into an inside pocket of his jonin vest and pulled out a small tube of clear gel, moaning lightly as he rolled his hips into Kakashi’s ass. He smirked. Being something of an exhibitionist came in handy sometimes. He rolled his hips into the smaller man once more, eliciting a groan from him, before pulling back so he could push Kakashi’s pants and underwear down around his thighs. He popped the cap on the tube, causing Kakashi to look back and snort. “Seriously, Gai?”

Gai smirked at him. “You never know when you might need it,” he replied, leaning to lay his entire body over Kakashi's and give him a mind-numbing kiss. “And fuck, am I glad I have it,” he whispered against the other's lips.

He rolled slightly to the side so he was still pressed against Kakashi, but enough that he could press his now-slick fingers into Kakashi's cleft, and the other moaned when Gai touched his most sensitive place. “You want this, Kakashi?” he whispered to the other, both to turn the other on and to give him a chance to stop here.

“Yes, fuck yes,” Kakashi gasped out, pushing back into Gai's fingers. 

Gai started nibbling on the side of Kakashi's neck as he pressed the first finger inside, moaning at the tight heat he met. Kakashi moaned lewdly as he started moving the digit, already pressing back into him. “Fuck, Kakashi… so tight… how long has it been, my love?” he murmured.

“Not since…  _ fuck… _ not since you, only you…” the younger man gasped out. Gai's fingers stilled in shock, and he groaned in protest. “Oh, God, please don't stop…”

Gai's fingers almost absent-mindedly returned to what they had been doing. “Sorry, love,” he murmured, placing gentle kisses against the other's neck. “Only me? Really?” Kakashi nodded, too focused on breathing to be able to do anything else as Gai slipped in another finger. “I'm happy to hear that.”

Kakashi turned his head towards Gai, and the smoldering heat and emotion in his eyes made Gai unable to look away. “Please, Gai… I wanna feel you,” he begged. 

Gai swallowed as he pulled his fingers out. “Your wish is my command,” he whispered against the younger man's ear, wiping the excess lube on himself and holding steady at Kakashi's entrance. He pushed, and Kakashi let out a loud moan as he slowly sank inside. 

“Oh, fuck…  _ fuck, Gai…  _ yes, oh, God, yes…” Gai's eyes widened in surprise at Kakashi's gasped pleading. Kakashi was great at dirty talk, and had certainly never been quiet in bed, but it would normally take a lot of teasing to get him to this point. It was clear proof that Kakashi had been telling the truth (not that Gai had ever doubted him), and it made Gai so incredibly hot to know he was the only one to have ever had Kakashi needy and gasping beneath him. 

“You like that, baby?” he growled into Kakashi's ear between harsh bites and licks just beneath it. 

“Yes. Oh, fuck, please…” Kakashi whimpered.

Gai smirked. “Fuck, I love it when you beg. Tell me, Kakashi. What is it you want?”

“Move… oh, please…” Kakashi tried to press his hips back against Gai, but a firm grip on his hips held him tight to Gai's body. 

Gai's bit down hard on Kakashi's clothed shoulder, and the younger man cried out in pleasure. “Tell me you want me,” Gai growled. 

“Oh, fuck, of course I want you, Gai,” Kakashi growled back. “Can we save the mushy stuff for later and get on with the fucking now?”

Gai's raised an eyebrow. “You promise? We'll talk later?”

Kakashi groaned in frustration. “Yes. Now please, fuck me raw.” 

Gai chuckled lightly. “I'm holding you to that,” he whispered. Kakashi opened his mouth to respond, but then Gai pulled back and thrust forward quickly, not even giving the other time to react before withdrawing again and setting a rough pace. 

“Oh, fuck, thank you…” Kakashi gasped out. Gai changed his angle and Kakashi screamed out in ecstasy when he hit that spot inside of him. Kakashi's fingers gripped the edge of the desk, knuckles white as Gai's cock pounded his prostate over and over. The sound of blood rushing in his ears hid the scraping of the desk against the floor each time one of Gai's powerful thrusts pushed it closer to the window. He laid his forehead on the wood before him, grateful for the slight chill against his overheated skin. Gai pressed down against Kakashi's back, nipping and sucking at the skin behind his shoulder. He moaned when Kakashi clenched teasingly around him, and his next thrust was almost violent in its intensity, causing Kakashi to cry out again.

“I love the sounds you make for me while I'm fucking you,” Gai growled huskily in Kakashi's ear before dragging the lobe into his mouth and sucking on it harshly. Kakashi whimpered, his fingers tightening further, but both men were far too aroused to hear the slight cracking of the wood beneath them. 

Gai moaned as he pounded his former lover, reveling in the way he felt around him after all this time. He so wished they had the time for him to really make this last, as he didn't know if he'd get another chance at it, but just because Kakashi had clearly forgotten that they were in the Hokage's office did not mean he had, and he knew Kakashi would never forgive him if anyone walked in on them, particularly Lord Third himself. So rather than draw it out, he snaked a hand around Kakashi's body and grasped him, stroking him a few times. 

“Mm, I can feel how close you are, baby,” he murmured, and Kakashi shuddered beneath him as he hurtled towards orgasm. 

“Fuck, Gai… so close… please, please let me…”

Gai nosed Kakashi's shirt farther down and bit down hard on the juncture of neck and shoulder, sucking fiercely as the combination of pleasure and pain pushed Kakashi hard over the edge and he came with a loud shout. Gai's pace didn't slow as the other started to come down, relaxing into a boneless heap on the desk and whimpering at the feel of Gai still fucking him mercilessly. 

It was all Gai could do to hold Kakashi up, so focused on the orgasm that was rising quickly, and with just a couple more thrusts he came. “Oh, fuck…  _ Kakashi… _ ” His hips twitched as the other was filled with everything he had, and he collapsed onto Kakashi's back when he was finished. 

Gai's lay there for a moment, panting, before he carefully pulled out. He took in the absolutely delicious scene before him for a moment with a smirk before pulling out a handkerchief to clean Kakashi up before his mess dripped all down the other's thighs. He knew Kakashi hated having to walk home like that. When he had cleaned all he could reach, he gently brushed Kakashi’s shoulder, smiling adoringly at the murmured protest as he turned him around. He supported the other man’s body as he gently cleaned the rest, and then adjusted both of their clothing so they were decent should anyone happen to walk in. He opted to burn the kerchief, then wrinkled his nose. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do about the smell of sex that hung heavily in the air. He wrapped his arms around the other, enjoying the feeling of just holding him. He knew it wouldn’t last, so he already knew there was no way he would be the one to interrupt their moment. 

When Kakashi started to come down from his post-coital haze, Gai could see the minute that the full impact of what they had done hit him. He jumped away, and though he regretted to do so, Gai allowed it. “Fuck,” Kakashi hissed quietly. 

Gai chuckled. “Yes, we did. And it was wonderful.”

Kakashi glared at him before turning away, his hands going to grip his hair. Gai sighed. “You promised we’d talk,” he reminded the other quietly. 

Kakashi was silent for a moment. “Gai, I… I just can’t. Not right now. Right after…”

To Kakashi’s surprise, Gai nodded. “I understand. When you’re ready, you know where to find me.”

Kakashi turned, his hand still frozen in his hair, shock evident on his still-unmasked face. “Really? Just like that?”

Gai frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Kakashi looked at him incredulously. “You’ve been pestering me for weeks, trying to get me to talk. You finally get somewhere, and  _ then _ you back off?!”

Gai chuckled. “Kakashi, we made love, for the first time in years. I don’t regret it at all, but I know that you will need time to process that, to think it through. The conversation that we need to have is very important. I am not willing to risk having it changed or altered by anything but our true feelings. Our lovemaking only reassured me of how deeply in love with you I am, and I hope that it will remind you of the same. I’ve chased because you needed to face your feelings, and you kept running away. Now, even you can’t deny that there is still something between us, and I understand that you need time to fully think through what you want. I know you’ll come to me when you’re ready to have that conversation.”

Kakashi looked down at his feet. He opened his mouth, but couldn’t speak around the lump in his throat. He swallowed thickly and tried again. “Thank you.” The words were quiet, but he managed them. 

Gai smiled and he stood, giving Kakashi plenty of time to stop him should he choose as he approached. “Of course, my love. I only want you to be happy. I just hope you’ll give me the chance to be what makes you so,” he murmured, brushing a kiss across Kakashi’s forehead before leaving. 

Kakashi took a shaky breath after he left and collapsed into the nearest chair. He put his head in his hands and stared at the ground between his feet. Gai was right, he did have a lot to think about. He got up to leave, as the smell of sex still lingered in the air, and was about to leave when he remembered where he was, and what he was supposed to be doing. Crap.


End file.
